Great Parents, Lousy Lovers

I confess, sometimes when being a great parent, I become a lousy lover.

When Andy and I did our premarital counseling, we were advised to do marriage counseling or a marriage retreat once a year. Although we have not gotten to it every year, we have been able to do both options a couple of times. Marriage takes work, it takes time, and it takes making it a priority. I am passionate about marriage. It is not just that I love my husband, but I really do believe that the greatest blessing we can give our children is the blessing of our marriage. My parents are divorced, and although my mom is now married to a wonderful man, that blessing was not there when I was growing up (and my parents were great parents).

Our girls know that mommy and daddy love each other, and they go out on dates. They know the two of us need time alone, and they know that our family is not all about them. All of these have not come naturally, but we have learned these tools, especially through Counseling. It is easy to forget and let the kids take over. So we try hard to come back to what makes our marriage strong.

Andy and I recently found this book, "Great Parents, Lousy Lovers"  by Dr. Gary Smalley. I had to share the table of contents.

1. Generation Observation
you might be a great parent, lousy lover if you grew up in the '80s, rolled up your pants, puffed your bangs, drove a Camaro, or have more than 2 Bryan Adams songs memorized.

2. Princess and Queen
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you feel like a cook, maid, or shuttle, and you run your home like a hotel.

3. Preparing for Change
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you consider an appetizer the free applesauce that comes with the kid's meal.

4. The Kid-centered Home
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if one or more of your children sleep in your bed more than you do.

5. Choosing between Life & Wife
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have ever responded to a friend's engagement announcement by saying, "Are you sure you want to go through with this? Think it through long and hard."

6. How to Add More Time in Your Day
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if your idea of a date night is watching the kids play on the playground at Chick-fil-A.

7. Building Margin
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you are consistently late to events and activities because you are coming from other kids events and activities.

8. Four Spiritual Journeys
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have adult children living at home and they refuse to give up their Star Wars bedsheets.

9. Your Spiritual Journey
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if your only alone time with God is to calm you down and to keep you from "going off" on someone small.

10. Your Spouse's Spiritual Journey
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you think that you don't even need a spouse to have a great marriage.

11. Your Child's Spiritual Life
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if it is more important to you to have your child in the accelerated reading program or on the honor roll, rather than to create a home where mom and Dad thoroughly enjoy each other.

12. Your Marriage Journey
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if before you leave the house, you ask your husband, "Do you need to go potty before we leave?"

13. Dream Big
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have ever been tempted to look for greener grass on the other side. Keep in mind, where the grass is greener, there is a septic leak.

14. Play Hard
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have told your family that they are going on a family vacation and that you demanded that they have a good time.

15. Laugh More
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if the majority of laughter in your home comes from a pop star with a split personality or a sponge that lives under the sea.

16. Touch Often
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have ever had a kiss interrupted by  a kid screaming, "Mom, can you help me wipe?"

17. Great Lovers
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you have sex less than 4 times a month and they area ll quickies.

18. Sex after Kids
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if your "Tonight's the night" is regularly met with "Let's shoot for tomorrow night."

19. Great Men, Great Women
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you've ever wondered why your spouse wasn't just like you.

20. Great Churches, Great Marriages
You might be a great parent, lousy lover if you choose a church based only on its kickin' kids program.