The typical sibling AKA the "normal" sister

April 10th is National Sibling day. In other words, a day set apart to celebrate siblings of kids (or adults) with special needs.

If you have been around here, you know I have 3 girls. My oldest daughter is my "normal" child. I use this term because I think this is what most people outside the special needs community use, but here is a little "educational moment" it is really more appropriate to use the term "typical." You know that little saying, "Normal is a setting on a washing machine" yeah, that applies for special needs too.

Because of the nature of this blog (and my writing) I really don't talk much about my oldest. And the thing is, she is pretty phenomenal.

Because of her sisters, she is one of the most accepting and understanding kids I know. I love her heart of compassion, and how well she "gets it" when it comes to other kids (not her sisters) having special needs.

I am proud of her. Okay, that might even be an understatement. But she really makes me proud, and in so many ways I look up to her.

So today, in honor of sibling week, I am sharing with you her newest passion: playing the piano. Ellie has been taking piano lessons for over a year. All of a sudden it just clicked and she plays every single day on her own, because it is fun. She works on her songs for her lessons, and then she learns her own songs, by ear.

Oh this girl is so talented! but she is also very shy! We have asked her several times if she would like to sing (she has a great voice too) but she does not want that type of attention. She might consider playing the piano, she said maybe for Mother's day. I think that would be really sweet.

So here it is, her first recital (and you all get to be the attendees).

From her piano lesson.

From her love for music, she figured it out by ear.

EDITED TO ADD: this post was inspired by my friend Shasta, who thought about making sibling's day sibling's week. CLICK HERE to visit her blog and the other blogs linked up. If you write a post about your typical kids, join us!

Becoming Whole: A Sibling's Story

Editor's Note: This is a guest post from Caroline McGraw, featuring an excerpt from her book, Love's Subversive Stance: Ground Yourself and Grow in Relationship.

When I was a little girl, I don’t remember having a firm concept of God, specifically. Yet I do remember having a very clear idea of what heaven would be like. I believed that heaven would be just this: a place where I could talk freely with my brother Willie.

It would be a place without the limits of autism on his part or lack of knowledge on mine, a place where I could ask him a question and receive a complete answer. I remember wanting to ask him about the details of our life; I wanted to know if Cheerios were really his favorite cereal or if he ate them simply because that’s what Mom bought. I wanted then what I want now: a window into his mind and heart.

Yet maybe, just maybe, I can only see in part because to see fully would be too much beauty to bear.

 

For me, heeding this wisdom means that, even as I hope for heaven, I look for those sudden windows into my brother’s mind and heart now.

I remember a time one such ‘window’ opened: during the long-ago era when my brother was obsessed with Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He had (still has) all seven stuffed dwarves, and he loved to line them up. He referred to himself as ‘Grumpy’ or ‘Happy’ depending on his mood. I realize now that the film was probably an excellent way for him to learn about identifying emotion, since each dwarf is typecast and consistent in facial expression throughout the story.

One day, my parents asked him, “Willie, if you’re Happy, who is Mommy?” For reasons inexplicable, Willie replied, “Mommy is Bashful!” Mommy is not bashful. However, Bashful is a thoughtful, kind dwarf, so perhaps these qualities were behind his choice.

My mom then asked, “And who is Daddy?” Willie said, “Daddy is Doc!” This choice seems a bit more logical. My father wears glasses and has a calm, direct way of expressing himself. He has a quirky sense of humor, and he’s a natural leader.

Finally, my mom asked, “And who is your sister Caroline?” With no hesitation, Willie said, “Caroline is Snow White!”

So there you have it. To my brother, I am a Disney princess. He may not be able to say things like, “Caroline, I look up to you,” or, “Caroline, I’m glad you’re my sister,” but he can cast me in a starring role in the movie of his mind.

I may not be able to see all I’d like to see of my brother’s mind and heart, but what I can see is astonishing. He’s creative, and hilarious, and generous with his casting. 

***

Caroline McGraw is a would-be childhood paleontologist who digs for treasure in people with disabilities, and empowers caregivers to do the same. Her free digital book, Your Creed of Care:  How to Dig for Treasure in People (Without Getting Buried Alive) is available at A Wish Come Clear.