Time with Friends and the IDSC Meet Up

The IDSC (International Down Syndrome Coalition) hosted 5 meet ups throughout the US to kick off World Down Syndrome Day. The events took place last weekend, and they were AWESOME!

The best part of the meet up for our family was to have the Loraines come and join us! They adopted  a little girl with Down syndrome only 4 months ago. So now, not only are we connected because of Nina's and Oksana's friendship from the orphanage, we are also connected now in the world of Down syndrome. I love it!

They have become like family to us, we love them dearly. And maybe if I keep publicly begging for them to move to out town, they might get tired of me asking and just do it. What do you think Erin?

It is nice to have a friend that you can talk to about adoption, trauma from orphanage (especially since our girls come from the same place), cerebral palsy, Down syndrome, and parenting kids with special needs.

And these are all great reasons why the meet up was so incredible. It truly was amazing for many reasons. So here are my top 10 reasons why I loved the meet up, and maybe next year, if you have a kid with Down syndrome, you can join us at one of our locations!

1. We got to meet several families that have kids with Down syndrome. All in one place!

2. It was awesome to see almond shaped eyes throughout the water park.

3. It was as if we had always known each other. Strangers? Our kids connect us!

4. We could have easily improvised a dance party in the lobby of the hotel while music played in the background. We kind of did, but I think next year we have to make it official.

5. It feels like a family reunion where people are glad to see each other and excited to be together (I guess we are part of the same T21 family after all).

6. It is beautiful to see such a diverse group of people fit so well together. We all come from different backgrounds, have different lifestyles, some of us even different cultures, yet we come together and feel connected to each other.

7. It is nice when we can give hugs freely even as we meet each other. Hand shake? Forget it, give me a hug!

8. There is a misconception that God gives special children to special parents. We are not special. Not at all. However, our children have changes us all. And seriously, there is no greater group of parents out there! You all make my heart overflow with gratitude!

9. Some of these friendships expand beyond the meet up, and suddenly you have friends that walk this same journey you walk and these friendships last a lifetime.

10. We cannot wait for next year!!!

It is almost impossible to get all kids to look and smile at the same time. Nichole is giving her cheesy smile, but I love these girls together.

Nina and Oksana reunited once more. Nina has failure to thrive, and the difference in size between her and Oksana is huge! Oksana is really tall, and Nina is tiny. Still, these two love each other and play together better than with any other friends. They really know each other. And yes, the photo is being photo bombed, I won't claim him as mine ;)

The rascals, what else is there to say?

My rascal, enjoying the water park!

An Orphan's Bond of Friendship

Abandoned children fill orphanages around the world. Too many little souls without a mom or a dad, without someone to call them their own. With a lack of stable and on-going relationships, many of these kids develop RAD (reactive attachment disorder) where they struggle to form lasting relationships with their caretakers or adoptive parents. They learn at an early age that there is nobody they can trust. The pathways that the brain creates the first three years of life are hard to break. Kids with RAD will not “grow out of it,” it is a reality for many adoptive parents that creates a challenging relationship. 

When we first adopted Nina, she cried for one of her caretakers, “Nina want Ira!” At the time, I felt anger towards this woman. Now, I am incredibly thankful for her. Nina was able to bond with one of her caretakers, and I do believe that relationship made a huge difference in Nina’s ability to bond with me. Because Nina was loved, she was able to love back.

But there was another strong relationship Nina had in the orphanage. It was not with an adult, but with one of the other children. Nina had a best friend, the closest thing to a sister, to a family. Nina had Oksana. Both girls orphans, both girls with cerebral palsy.

When I visited Nina, Oksana would cry and ask to come with us. Most of the time she was silenced by the caretakers, but for one of the visits they allowed Oksana to play with us. During the first half of the visit, Oksana melted into my arms, resting her face on my chest, soaking in all the attention she could get. Eventually she ventured to play with Nina, and I watched their simple interactions. They talked to each other, Nina asked Oksana to get things for her, since Oksana’s mobility was much better than Nina’s. They played with a puzzle, looked at pictures, and often looked at each other, always with a smile.

After that visit I asked about Oksana, and the translator informed me they would soon be transferring her to a mental institution. I asked if the orphanage would allow me to find her a family, if they could hold her in the orphanage a little bit longer. There were no promises made, but that nightI wrote about Oksana on my blog, hoping that it would reach the right family.

Shortly after arriving home with Nina, I received an email asking about Oksana. Erin and her family committed to her adoption. I kept in contact with Erin through email, and eventually we began talking on the phone. We seemed to get along pretty well, and I wanted to offer as much help and support as I could. After all, Oksana had a special place in my heart. This was Nina’s closest relationship from her past. This was her “sister” finding a family.

Andy and I tried to be as available, open, and supportive as we could during their travel time, and after coming home. In no time, Erin and I became our “go to friend” when it came to our girls. It was only natural that at some point we would travel to finally meet the Loraine’s and reunite Nina and Oksana. That was a trip we will never forget (click on the link and check out Erin's post, there is a video of Nina and Oksana seeing each other for the first time after being adopted, it is awesome!). We finally got to meet some of our dearest friends. Our entire family clicked really well, and it felt as if we had known each other forever. And it was a treat to see Nina and Oksana together. Last Thanksgiving, Loraines came to visit for a few days. Again, we had a great time with friends.

First meeting during July 4th

 Thanksgiving meeting, it was hard to get Oksana to smile for the camera, but she smiles all the time!

Last Monday, I shared with you a video of Nina jumping independently. I also posted it on facebook. When I picked Nina up from school I told her there were many messages for her from people cheering her on. She was happy, but she had only one question for me.

“Did Oksana leave me a message?”

“Not yet sweetie, but her mommy did and I am sure she will show her the video.”

“I hope so, because I know Oksana loves me more than anyone else, and I want her to be proud.”

I often think of Nina being alone at the orphanage, with no one that loved her like you love a family member. But I was wrong. Nina had someone, she had her best friend, Oksana. And I realize more and more how important that bond was for these girls, and how incredible it is that their bond has brought our respective families together. I count Erin as one of the closest friends I have ever had, and I met her thanks to Nina and Oksana.

What a blessing it is that Nina and Oksana will be friends for a lifetime and I realize now that the bond she has with her is also one of the strongest bonds she will ever have. Perhaps even closer than the one she has with her sisters. What a joy to continue to bring them together.

And who knows, maybe someday they will be roommates at Shepherd’s College and their story will be known!

Copycat

On Friday, we had some friends from St. Louis stop by and spend the night with us. We met because of our girls and their diagnosis of Down syndrome. The extra chromosome has brought along beautiful friendships!

Nichole loves her sister Ellie, whatever Ellie does, so does Nichole. She likes her sister, she plays with her sister. At school though, she does not really play with many of the other kids, but when Nichole saw Braska, she decided Braska was so cool she would copy her too. Nichole was a hoot. Everything Braska did, Nichole would do too. Braska's speech is incredible, I don't really know any other kid with Down syndrome that talks as well as Braska. The sweet thing is that Nichole was repeating every word Braska said, maybe not clearly, but she was trying hard! Did Nichole recognize that Braska has Down syndrome too? I don't know.

Here is a little video of Braska being a cheerleader and Nichole is being a copycat. Pay close attention to Braska's facial expressions and mannerisms, because you will see Nichole doing whatever Braska does. Besides you also get to see 2 adorable little girls!

Meet Anya: Another Adoption!

See this cute little girl? This is Anya! This precious princess is 4 years old and she is in Bulgaria. She has Down syndrome and is just a few months older than Nichole. Don't you just love her?

Oh yeah, by the way, we are not adopting her, our dear friends the Loraine's are! Ha! What, did you think I was talking about us? Well, I had to do something to get your attention!

The Loraine family adopted Nina's best friend from the orphanage in Ukraine. The connection that our daughters share brought our families together. Erin and I have been talking since before they began their journey to Ukraine and get Oksana. Last July ,we got to meet face-to-face for the first time and last Thanksgiving their family came over to spend a week with us. The Loraines have become dear friends of ours.

They are adopting again, and they just received an amazing matching grant through LifeSong for Orphans. The grant is for $4000, but they need to raise the other $4000 by March 13.

Here are the details of the grant:
100% of all donations go towards our grant unless paypal is used in which case 2-3 percent are taken out for fees. Donations are tax deductible and can be made by a check made out to Lifesong for Orphans with a memo that says "preference Loraine #2473 adoption" and sent to

Lifesong for Orphans
PO Box 40 / 202 N. Ford St
Gridley, IL 61744

Or donations can be made online through paypal at http://www.lifesongfororphans.org/donation.html with the same memo under "purpose" by the dollar amount.

You can visit their blog HERE.

If you can't give, you can pray!

Will you consider helping out our friends?

Why Moms Need Friends

Moving to a new town and having no friends can be pretty lonely. At the beginning of the school year, I joined a MOPS group because I desperately needed friends that are at the same stage in life I am in. Last night, I hung out with some of these new friends from my MOPS group. Time flew by. A little get-together that meant so much. 

So in “top 10” style, I will tell you why moms need friends.

1. Because loneliness among moms is too common, and it doesn’t need to be that way.

2. Because it is nice to know that other moms make ramen noodles for lunch too, are lucky to get a shower before noon, and that ponytails are in style.

3. Because we like play-dates just as much as our kids do. 

4. Because we need adult conversation where we don’t have to ask, “Do you need to go poopy?”

5. Because our husbands cannot provide the chatter that comes along with “woman territory.”

6. Because you can indulge in tasty treats when you are together and not feel guilty for the calories you consume since “everyone else is doing it.”

7. Because it is nice to have someone understand how exhausting it is to care for little people, while at the same time, it is a precious time in life that only lasts so long

8. Because we need heart to heart connections with other people that get it.

9. Because we want to be known, and accepted, regardless of our flaws.

10. Because God created us as relational beings, we are not meant to do life alone.

1.    

Their Hope and Their Future

It fills me with awe when I see Nina and Oksana together. Two little girls with Cerebral Palsy that had no hope and no future tucked away in an orphanage in Ukraine. In the confinement of those walls, they at least had each other. They played together, talked, and giggled. Somehow, they were the only family they had.

God, who loves them intensely, called us to adopt Nina, and the Loraines to adopt Oksana. Our families, strangers to each other, adopting 2 little girls that were like sisters.

There were a couple of times when I visited Nina at the orphanage and Oksana cried asking to be with us. I then asked for her to join us, I did not mind having her around. Little did I know, the day I visited with Nina while holding Oksana in my arms, that I would give her a hug once more in my own home. I never imagined that her family would become so dear to our family, and that this friendship would be a treasure to last a  lifetime.

While we know nothing about Nina's birth family, and Loraines know nothing about Oksana's birth family, we do know that they will always have each other. And in this new life with a family, they have hope and they have a bright future. And through these little girls, our entire families are blessed!

This Thanksgiving, the Loraines come to our home, and we enjoyed our time together immensely! The days were full of talking, playing, thankfulness, and joy.

You can visit the Loraine's blog, since they have much better pictures, but I will copy Erin and give you a little summary by day, along with some snapshots.

Wednesday:
Loraines arrived and it was fun just hanging out, getting settled, and talking. They brought lots of very yummy treats so we were looking forward to dessert!

Thursday:
We had an easy morning and Nichole willingly shared her iPad with Oksana and her family.

Later that day, the dads took the kids out to jump in our monster pile of leaves while Erin and I worked on the food and Nichole took a nap.

We had the 3 big girls wear matching outfits, hoping for a nice picture of Nina and Oksana to send to their orphanage and to frame for their rooms. These 2 girls had serious problems posing and smiling!

But they were all so cute together so we did get some nice shots of the girls.

Thanksgiving dinner turned out pretty good if you ask me! Although my mashed sweet potatoes turned out the consistency of baby food,  the rest of the meal was good!

Friday:

We went to Legoland in Chicago, and it was a lot of fun!

The girls loved riding in the giant swing. They rode this thing over and over! Ellie and Nina both wanted to ride with Oksana every time!

Nichole had fun, although I think her favorite part of the day was eating a bag of chips!

 

On the way out, the girls had to have their picture taken with Sponge Bob, who happens to be a celebrity at our house. Don't judge me, as a parent, you have to pick your battles, and I would rather have Sponge Bob than Hannah Montana or iCarly at this time in life.

 

And, even Legoland was happy to see me!

Saturday:

We ventured into the world of bounce houses and craziness! And let me tell you, helping a child with mobility issues is quite the workout! But we all had fun!

Sunday:

Loraines came to church with us and got to be a part of the service. It was such a blessing! Larry played the guitar and Erin and I shared how God worked in our lives through our adoptions. It was so good to have them here at our church. 

Where would our girls be if we had not adopted them? Where would we be? God's blessings are many, and He showers us with His love as we live life thriving to honor and serve Him. This weekend, we got to experience some of those blessings throw this friendships that have come to us thanks to our girls. We really had so much to be thankful for!