What If I Walked In Her Shoes?

My daughter, Nina, has cerebral palsy. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like walking in her shoes...

My husband and I have been watching Parenthood, the NBC hit show. The show revolves around the three generations of the Braverman family. One of the grandkids, Max, has Aspergers. In one of the scenes we recently watched, Max is having a meltdown, and his dad is visibly upset. At some point, Max stops and asks the question, "Are you angry wit me because I have Aspergers?" The question is enough to make his dad stop in his tracks, take a deep breathe and reassure his son, "No, I am not angry with you because you have Aspergers."

We paused the show.

"Do you think sometimes we are angry with Nina because she has cerebral palsy?" Andy asked.

It was one of those sobering moments, when I had to think about my recent interactions with my daughter and the times I got frustrated with her, and yes, even angry.

"I think sometimes I act that way." I had to admit.

"You know, it's so easy for us to move, to do things, to just get up and go. I know she is incredibly distracted and that slows her down even more...but she lives with it. Every moment, of every day, she has a body that does not respond to what her brain wants to do. We are not helping the situation when we act like we are angry with her because she has cerebral palsy. Because we are proud of her, she has come so far despite of her disability."

"I don't think that I am angry because she has cerebral palsy, but I do think I am angry with cerebral palsy sometimes, and what it takes away from Nina."

And my husband's words stay with me...

She has to live with it every day.

And the truth is, I just don't think I get it. I am not sure that I will ever understand what it is like to be a prisoner of my own body. To get up every day with tight muscles, fighting every move just to get dressed. Strapping on my braces so that I can walk better, but knowing that every step takes an incredible amount of thought.

And she does it, with a smile.

This little girl embraces life to it's fullest. I know sometimes she feels like giving up, and we don't let her, because we know she can accomplish anything she sets her mind to. And so she tries harder, and she keeps pushing, and she exemplifies the courage of the human spirit as she faces the challenges of every day life...and her body.

If only I could really understand what it is like walking in her shoes.

Because her cerebral palsy was a death sentence not too long ago. It could have taken her life. An orphan in Ukraine with cerebral palsy does not have a hope or a future. An orphan with cerebral palsy in Ukraine has little chance to be embraced by the culture, or by her family.

Almost 4 years she spent in an orphanage. Alone. Her body so tight from a lack of movement, stimulation, and therapy. Her skin so unfamiliar to touch and a warm body to hold her when she was scared, sick, or in pain.

She has come a long way.

She is a fighter.

She is my hero.

So why do I act sometimes like I am angry with her because she has cerebral palsy? I so easily forget.

She has to live with it.

What would my day be like if I was walking in her shoes?

Every single step, every single movement, I would fight my body. Yet at the end of the day, after I walked across my classroom, walked from room to room in my home, when I can use the bathroom independently, and take 35 minutes just to get dressed or undressed, it would be an incredible accomplishment.

I would know what it is like to give my very best, to give it my all.

I would know what it feels like to do life with courage.

And I would know what it is like to face a body that wants to limit me, yet to get up, move, and say, "Not today. Today cerebral palsy won't stop me. Today I win."

***

This is a post for the writing prompt: Walking in his/her shoes. Join us!

The Significance of a New Year

This post was first published for ellenstumbo.com

Three years ago, the New Year became a significant celebration for my family. After seven weeks away from my family in Ukraine, I arrived with our new adopted daughter at the Minneapolis, MN airport. December 31st I was finally reunited with my girls and my husband, and we began the new year, January 1st, as a family of 5.

But the journey was not easy.

After many delays in Ukraine – including the quarantine in the country due to H1N1, or the “California flu” as they called it – Nina and I were stuck in the airport for 2 days due to a snow storm that shut down air travel for 2 days. By that point, I was already an emotional mess, not to mention the fact that I didn’t like my new child. The “fairytale” of adoption I had read so many times was not to be true for us, and I was barely holding it together.

A wheelchair waited for us to transport Nina as we made our way through the airport. I asked the man pushing it to, “Get me to my family as quickly as you can, please!” When we came out of the doors that led to baggage claim I spotted Andy waiting at the gate where the rest of our flight would be exiting from.

I took off running, yelling like a mad woman, “Andy! Honey! I am here!” I was probably flinging my arms violently as I waved and ran, and my voice was cracking a bit. The man pushing Nina did his best to keep up with me.

Ellie saw me first. She ran to me and gave me a big hug. It was so good to touch her again after 7 weeks away. Then Andy came to us and we clung together, sobbing, so relieved to be together once more.

Holding on tight, we are finally together again.

Ellie was excited to meet her new sister. She had seen pictures of Nina, and seen her through a computer screen, but nothing compared to seeing her face-to-face. “She is real!” She kept saying, “She is really real!

Family came to greet us at the airport. My parents met their new granddaughter, my sisters their new niece, and Andy’s sister and her family stopped by also to meet the new addition to the family.

Our homecoming was exhausting. Traveling for 2 days had Nina and I already stressed out, and the reunion was emotionally charged. Although the picture above shows a smiling face, she was nervous, unsure about this place where everyone talked funny. As we got in the car, Nina lost it as we were strapping her in her car seat. She yelled, screamed, kicked, and scratched her eyes. In minutes, once she realized she could not get out, she fell asleep as a defense mechanism.

We carried her into the hotel room, where our family planned to spend the first night together before stopping by my mom’s house and heading back home. She slept while I changed her into pajamas and changed her diaper.

I was so glad to be home with my family, so glad to finally have them in my arms. I already had a broken relationship with Nina, and we had not yet began doing life together as a family, but at least I was back home with my girls, my husband, and a great support system. After the emotional journey I had endured (we had endured), I was not sure that adopting was worth it. I wondered if we had made a huge mistake, I even wondered if I had ruined my family. Not to mention the fact that we had taken an older child, and an older child with cerebral palsy.

But those thoughts were put to the side. My youngest was sick and I was there to care for her. I was there to hold my oldest, and I had my husband by my side.

January 1st greeted us as a family of 5. We were together, and we had to make this work. Maybe we could have a fresh start, maybe there was hope for our family as we invited a new member in and while I tried to heal from the journey that had led us to this day.

She has a daddy

I did not expect the emotional journey of adoption to be as challenging and complex as it was. I thought it would be easy, that Nina would fit into our family right away and the transition would be fairly smooth. Somehow, I was led to believe that having difficulties in adoption was rare.

There was no fairytale.

It took more than a year for me to feel a real mother/daughter love for my child.

We struggled through many behaviors.

But this child has expanded my heart. She has taught me so much about what it means to love someone even when they are hard to love. She has challenged me to choose love, and to hold on to it regardless of my feelings, expectations, or desires.

And I can say with full confidence, that this child, my daughter, is a child of love. It has not been easy, but it has been good. And I would do this again, all over again if I had to. She is my very own.

So today I look back, with the significance of a New Year surrounding our family, because it has been 3 years since a little girl entered into our lives and came here to stay.

She has come a long, long way from that scared, self-injuring, frail and traumatized little girl. She is a courageous little girl, one I have the pleasure and honor to call my own. And I cannot wait for what the new year has in store for her.

Happy anniversary Nina, I love you more than you will ever know.

And if you are interested, go visit our adoption blog I kept during our time in Ukraine and some during the first year after we came home.

Disclosure: In that first year I was scared to be honest about my feelings or emotions. I felt like a failure as a mother and yes, even more so as a Christian, especially being a pastor’s wife. However, it is nice to have a chronicle of our journey before, during, and shortly after adoption.

Adoption Rocks!

I once was lost...

But now I am found.

Adoption Rocks!

It seems amazing that Nina has been in our family for almost three years! This journey has been difficult,  oh how I have cried and how I have loved! It has been worth it, all of it. Even the really hard parts of the journey, they have all been worth it.

This little girl is a joy!

If you are considering, or have considered adoption, I have a ton of posts here about adoption, so go check them out!

If you are interested in what the journey was like during the process, we kept an adoption blog. I don't update it anymore, but I remember being in the process and wanting to know so much more about the families going through the process. What was it like? 

Adoption is an emotional journey, no doubt about it! But did I mention it is worth it?

If you read my last post, you know I have pretty strong feelings about the church and the orphan crisis. But I also know there are some real reasons why people are not able to adopt, or that keep them from making the commitment. These are not excuses, these are real, significant reasons why people don't step forward.

So I want to help you, and in turn, you can help me!

What keeps people from adopting?

What do you wish you knew about adoption?

What do you think are misconceptions about adoption?

Looking forward to hearing your thoughts, and yes, adoption rocks!

Orphan Sunday

This Sunday, November 4th, is Orphan Sunday. I am glad that there is at least one day dedicated to bring awareness of the orphan crisis within the church. However, shouldn't the church's response to the 210 million orphans expand beyond one Sunday?

Adoption should be a part of our churches. The church should respond and help families in the process of adoption, and not forget that the real hard work begins when the child comes home (not before). With the large number of churches, funding adoptions should not be an issue. And for the Christian families that live in comfort and are content with life, I often wonder, why not bring a hurting child into that wonderful family you have created (with God's help, after all HE is the one that provides for ALL our needs). I don't want this to be a "guilt" message, but there are too many indifferent Christians. Sure, we care, and we feel for the cause, but how many people actually ACT and do something about it?

If you can't adopt, then when was the last time you sent a check to a family struggling to fund their adoption? Did you think maybe you could skip the run to McDonald's, or wait for that new pair of jeans? Did you think maybe this Christmas your children didn't need several material things, but instead you could use the excess money and contribute to an adoption so that ONE child could have the gift of a FAMILY?

Your don't have to adopt, you can give...and you can pray. Is your heart burdened enough that you offer your prayers for the orphans? Are you on your knees asking God to raise up His people and rescue these children? Are you moved by the plight of the orphan? There are more than 210 million orphans in the world today, surely you can pray. Wake up church, we have a call! Yes, we are commanded to care for the orphan, are you doing your part?

Adoption is hard, really hard. It is an exhausting emotional journey and yes, at some point you might wonder if you made the wrong choice. But it does get better, and life resumes with a new normal. And then love grows, and there is joy, and there is an incredible thankfulness for this child you now call your very own. Seeing life through the eyes of a once-orphan child is a gift. It is life altering. Adoption is WORTH the sacrifice. Adoption is WORTH the trials. Adoption is WORTH the tears. Because adoption is God's heart, is it yours?

Get the word out, spread the message, act!

 
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This post first appeared on ellenstumbo.com

An Orphan's Bond of Friendship

Abandoned children fill orphanages around the world. Too many little souls without a mom or a dad, without someone to call them their own. With a lack of stable and on-going relationships, many of these kids develop RAD (reactive attachment disorder) where they struggle to form lasting relationships with their caretakers or adoptive parents. They learn at an early age that there is nobody they can trust. The pathways that the brain creates the first three years of life are hard to break. Kids with RAD will not “grow out of it,” it is a reality for many adoptive parents that creates a challenging relationship. 

When we first adopted Nina, she cried for one of her caretakers, “Nina want Ira!” At the time, I felt anger towards this woman. Now, I am incredibly thankful for her. Nina was able to bond with one of her caretakers, and I do believe that relationship made a huge difference in Nina’s ability to bond with me. Because Nina was loved, she was able to love back.

But there was another strong relationship Nina had in the orphanage. It was not with an adult, but with one of the other children. Nina had a best friend, the closest thing to a sister, to a family. Nina had Oksana. Both girls orphans, both girls with cerebral palsy.

When I visited Nina, Oksana would cry and ask to come with us. Most of the time she was silenced by the caretakers, but for one of the visits they allowed Oksana to play with us. During the first half of the visit, Oksana melted into my arms, resting her face on my chest, soaking in all the attention she could get. Eventually she ventured to play with Nina, and I watched their simple interactions. They talked to each other, Nina asked Oksana to get things for her, since Oksana’s mobility was much better than Nina’s. They played with a puzzle, looked at pictures, and often looked at each other, always with a smile.

After that visit I asked about Oksana, and the translator informed me they would soon be transferring her to a mental institution. I asked if the orphanage would allow me to find her a family, if they could hold her in the orphanage a little bit longer. There were no promises made, but that nightI wrote about Oksana on my blog, hoping that it would reach the right family.

Shortly after arriving home with Nina, I received an email asking about Oksana. Erin and her family committed to her adoption. I kept in contact with Erin through email, and eventually we began talking on the phone. We seemed to get along pretty well, and I wanted to offer as much help and support as I could. After all, Oksana had a special place in my heart. This was Nina’s closest relationship from her past. This was her “sister” finding a family.

Andy and I tried to be as available, open, and supportive as we could during their travel time, and after coming home. In no time, Erin and I became our “go to friend” when it came to our girls. It was only natural that at some point we would travel to finally meet the Loraine’s and reunite Nina and Oksana. That was a trip we will never forget (click on the link and check out Erin's post, there is a video of Nina and Oksana seeing each other for the first time after being adopted, it is awesome!). We finally got to meet some of our dearest friends. Our entire family clicked really well, and it felt as if we had known each other forever. And it was a treat to see Nina and Oksana together. Last Thanksgiving, Loraines came to visit for a few days. Again, we had a great time with friends.

First meeting during July 4th

 Thanksgiving meeting, it was hard to get Oksana to smile for the camera, but she smiles all the time!

Last Monday, I shared with you a video of Nina jumping independently. I also posted it on facebook. When I picked Nina up from school I told her there were many messages for her from people cheering her on. She was happy, but she had only one question for me.

“Did Oksana leave me a message?”

“Not yet sweetie, but her mommy did and I am sure she will show her the video.”

“I hope so, because I know Oksana loves me more than anyone else, and I want her to be proud.”

I often think of Nina being alone at the orphanage, with no one that loved her like you love a family member. But I was wrong. Nina had someone, she had her best friend, Oksana. And I realize more and more how important that bond was for these girls, and how incredible it is that their bond has brought our respective families together. I count Erin as one of the closest friends I have ever had, and I met her thanks to Nina and Oksana.

What a blessing it is that Nina and Oksana will be friends for a lifetime and I realize now that the bond she has with her is also one of the strongest bonds she will ever have. Perhaps even closer than the one she has with her sisters. What a joy to continue to bring them together.

And who knows, maybe someday they will be roommates at Shepherd’s College and their story will be known!

To My Daughter's Mother

I have been thinking about you lately. Do you remember that day 6 years ago when your womb was emptied? Do you remember the frail, struggling baby girl that came into this world, barely 27 weeks old?

The truth is, I used to look down on you. I judged you for the choices that you made that day. I held Nina close to me and accused you, “How could you!” “How could you abandon your own child!”I convinced myself you were a bad person. My delusional righteous indignation made me believe I was better than you.

As I have learned to love Nina – as she has become my very own – God has broken my heart for you.

You were so young. You were not married and you did not plan to get pregnant. I wonder if Nina’s father left you, or if he ever pressured you to have an abortion. I wonder how your parents responded. Were they supportive or did they turn their backs on you?

How would you have supported your baby? What could you have offered to her if you were unsure of your own future?

I will never know what brought on such an early labor for you. I do not know if you did not take care of yourself and your baby or if it happened as a result of poverty, a lack of nutrition and scarce food.

 But I do know what it is like to give birth for the first time, I know what it is like to feel myself be emptied out, and see a tiny human being that is so much a part of me. What was it like for you, seeing Nina so frail, her skin translucent from being born too soon, unable to breathe on her own and so helpless?

When you refused to hold her, had you already made up your mind that you would walk out? Were you afraid that feeling her in your arms would make you want to stay? Did you think that she would die? Were you afraid that she would have a disability due to her early birth? Did it scare you to think that in your country, she would not be accepted and you would have to raise her without support?

 Was it the thought of a disability that turned you away? I understand. When Nichole was born, I did not handle her diagnosis of Down syndrome well. I cried, I questioned, and I feared what our future with her would be like. I couldn’t find love for my baby amidst the tears that overflowed. So I think about you and how I judged you, and I am sorry.

I wonder if you have prayed for Nina all these years. I can picture you crying, begging God to take care of your little girl. And maybe it was during one of your desperate prayers that God tugged at my heart, and looking at Nina’s picture through a computer screen I knew I was looking at my daughter.

I ache for you as you live your life wondering what happened to your very own flesh and blood.

I do not know if you live with pain or guilt over that choice you made 6 years ago. But I wish you knew that Nina is loved. She has a family that loves her, supports her, and will always be present in her life. I wish you knew that she is happy. I wish you knew how much courage and determination she has. I wish you could see her walk and fight her disability with all her strength. I wish you knew that she is charming and smart. I wish you knew that she has grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, teachers, and friends that stand behind her.  I wish you could see how beautiful she is, and maybe she looks like you.

You might never know this, but through you, God has given me one of the most precious and treasured gifts I have: my daughter, Nina.

May God give you peace, may you feel His forgiveness, and may you be filled with His unending love.

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Angel Needing a Family (Domestic Adoption Opportunity)

Meet Alex!

Alex is a 5 year old little boy with Cerebral Palsy and he needs a family. Isn't he just adorable? His smile just melts my heart. He has lived in a children's rehabilitation hospital in New York since he was born.  His birth parents have been involved with him the whole time, but are unable to care for him at home and have come to the loving decision to place him for adoption.

Spence- Chapin, an adoption agency, has been trying to find him a family for several months now, but there have been only a few inquiries, with no matches yet.

Alex is eligible for an adoption subsidy and Medicaid, regardless of parental income, in any state through his eighteenth birthday.  The adoption subsidy from new York is very generous and would really go a long way to helping a family provide for Alex.  Spence-Chapin's adoption fees for special needs are $1,000-3,000 on a sliding scale, but they can waive this based on family need.

They are looking for a strong family that has resources near by and parents no older than 45 years old, family size is not an issue, as long as they have a strong plan for Alex's care.

You can CLICK HERE and read more about Alex from Spence-Chapin's website.

If you are interested, let me know and I will put you in contact with the lady that is working hard to find him a family. You can also help spread the word about Alex!

Adoption is the most difficult thing I have had to do, but it has been worth every minute! I will not give you a moving story, or bring tears to your eyes, because if God leads you to adopt it will not be because of my words, but because that feeling you will have in your heart.You will know that Alex is your son. On the meantime, I am praying for you, praying for God to make that abundantly clear, for you to dream about holding Alex in your arms and offering him a hope and a future, and all the love you can give. I don't know who you are, but I am praying!

The Mice Before Christmas

Today, Andy and I got to watch the Kindergarten Christmas program at school. Ellie has been talking about it for weeks and singing the songs. It was an exciting day!

Ellie coming in with her class. She was a Reindeer, and had a line in the play, which she had memorized right away. She did a great job saying the words clearly into the microphone. It was a proud moment as a parent.

Nina was a mouse, and she did not have any lines. She did a great job getting herself in the chair all on her own, and her teacher helped her at the end get on the stage for the bow.

After the play, parents went to the classrooms and worked on a little project.

 

Ellie did fantastic, we were so proud of her at the play performance. In her classroom, seeing her interact with her friends is so much fun. She is friendly, she is kind, and she is so encouraging to her friends.

Nina, on the other hand...see that picture above? She is not smiling, just kind off...sitting. She almost seemed to be in a "trance." Kind of singing, but mostly sitting. Kind of doing the hand actions, but mostly sitting. At some point she was holding her friend's hand instead of following along. We are aware of how she "comes across" and that is hard. Mainly, because we know that what other parents saw today is not who Nina is. Her teachers know that is not who Nina is. Still, this morning she was just...awkward, and I know the awkwardness does not come from her Cerebral Palsy, but rather from her years spent at the orphanage. 

Most of the time, I do not notice that my girls are "different." I am used to it, it is normal to me. But then something like the school play comes along and you see just how different your child appears to be compared to the other children. And you know that the way they appear is what creates perceptions. It is not the same to see a typical child up in stage be extremely shy, it is an entire different thing to see a child with an obvious disability and medical equipment do the same. No, what people perceive is not accurate, but still, as a parent of a child with special needs, it can be discouraging.

In her classroom, she was fine; she is comfortable, she can be herself. That was so good to see. She was ready for pictures and smiles and talking to her friends. And the kids in her classroom like her, they really do. I am sure that any parents that saw her in the class realized she was just being very shy, that the sky is her limit, and that she is full of potential. And if they only knew where she came from, if ALL those parents knew what her past was like...they would be impressed. And you know what, they might have realized that her performance might have been the best one of them all...

...and Ellie's too of course!

A Hope and a Future (A Recycled Post)

This story took place 2 years ago on Christmas day. I thought it would be nice to recycle this post and remember...

I sat up in bed and took a deep breath. The air cold and stale from the scent of vanilla air freshener, mixed with the cigarette smoke that oozed from the walls of the black and white one-room apartment. The dark brown curtains tried to conceal the light, yet the morning sun had managed to send a few gray rays to sneak around the folds of the heavy curtain.

A little girl pulled on my sleeve and made the sign “eat,” followed by a string of Ukrainian words. Then in English, she managed to say, “Banana.” It amazed me how for Nina the thought of food was enough to brighten her day, while all I could think of was that it had been six weeks since I had been home, and today would be an especially hard day. It was Christmas.

I carried Nina across the room and set her on the black leather couch that functioned as the living room. I pulled a black coffee table close to her, hence turning the living room into the dining room. Thankfully, there was a DVD player and I had brought some DVDs from home. I played “Signing Time!” for Nina often. She loved the music and I hoped that more signs would stick with her besides the sign for “eat” so that we could improve our communication.

While Nina watched the show, I proceeded to get breakfast ready for her: chamomile tea, dry cheerios and a banana. I set all three items on the small black table and she smiled. I knew we would do this again at least two more times that day. It was always the same, the only things I could get her to eat were bananas and dry cheerios. At least she was willing to drink different flavors of tea.

Once she was settled I turned on my computer ready to check my e-mail messages, it helped me to feel connected to my home. Nevertheless, there were few messages that morning. I realized I was angry that everyone else was happy enjoying their families, while I was stuck half way across the ocean. I settled to find Christmas music on-line and searched for Amy Grant’s rendition of “I Will Be Home for Christmas.” I wanted to sing along, especially the line, “I will be home for Christmas, but only in my dreams.”

After my little outburst of bitterness, I decided I needed to lighten up my mood and find a little Christmas cheer. I plugged in our tiny Christmas tree that was no taller than my forearm. The cleaning lady had brought it for us just two days before. I found a Christmas playlist on-line, and I cranked up the volume.

I sang and danced in the middle of the room while Nina watched intently. Then I scooped her up in my arms, weighing less than my two year old, yet twice her age. We danced and twirled to the music. It was a great ball to which we could wear our pajamas. The lights of the Christmas tree giving the perfect colorful glow to the small room.

However, Nina had lived most of her life with little attention, and after just a few songs, she was done with me, done celebrating Christmas. I set her on the white and black checkered floor and she crawled to the corner where she had a few toys. I knew she would be in her own world until she was ready to eat again.

I sulked the rest of the morning. I was engrossed in my own pity party and the little girl playing at my feet was oblivious as to how I felt. I began questioning if it was worth it. The adoption journey had me emotionally drained and it seemed as if Nina couldn’t have cared less about me. Moreover, back home, I had a husband who missed me and two little girls that cried for their mommy and could not wait to see her again. Every day being away from home was getting harder.

As I caressed my wounded thoughts, I looked over and watched Nina play with a box of crayons. She was dumping them out and then putting them neatly back in the box. For a second she looked back at me, made eye contact and smiled while waving the box. Then she continued with her activity, absorbed in her world. Yet, she had given me a glimpse and acknowledged me, if only for a second.

As simple as that moment was, it was the moment where my Christmas miracle happened. My eyes were opened to the beauty of the scene that took place before my eyes. I was not simply looking at a once orphan girl; I was looking at my child.

The journey of adoption had pushed us against a race of time trying to get our documents ready to get Nina. We had until her fourth birthday to rescue her, all because she had Cerebral Palsy. We knew that in her country she would die if we did not bring her home before that dreaded age where children with special needs are taken from their orphanages and sent to mental institutions. These are places where there is no hope and no future. The possibility of adoption is gone and most children die within a year after being tied down to cribs with little food and no medical intervention.

On that Christmas morning, I had chosen to be depressed wishing for what I did not have. Thankfully, I was reminded of what a wonderful day it was and how much I had to celebrate. I had a new daughter.

The little girl sitting by my feet would never have to go to an institution. She would never again know hunger or abuse. Nina had a family, with a mommy and daddy and two sisters. Her disability would not stop her, but rather she would be able to overcome her limitations with a family standing strong behind her, cheering her on. She would go to school, learn to read and write. There was so much in store for her and her life was full of potential. Nina had a hope and a future.

There were many sacrifices we had to make in order to rescue her and bring her home. Was it worth it? Absolutely!

“Nina” I called. She stopped playing and looked at me again. “Merry Christmas sweetheart” I said.

She didn’t understand what I was saying, so I did the best I could do at the time to show her love. I poured her a cup of more chamomile tea… with an extra spoonful of sugar.


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Responding to Your Comments #2

Blog post: When Cute Makes a Difference

Go to the Walk Easy Website. They're what I've used most recently. The PT who told me about Walk Easy said if insurance won't cover it then you can do a tax right off, since you have a prescription.

Thank you Sarah! This is great to know and to pass along!

I will take a moment and encourage you all to visit Sarah's blog. Sarah is a young woman with CP, and I am really looking forward to having her join the CP connection.

Blog post: This Man

Happy Anniversary!

I had to read back and I can see why some of you thought it was my anniversary. Sorry about that, it is not our anniversary yet! Still a few months away. I just wanted to take a moment and thank my husband for being the stud he is!

I do hope that someday I can at least have the opportunity to hear Andy preach. :)

When I figure out how to link to his sermons, I will do that!

Reading the story of your struggle with Nichol's birth, I noticed that Andy never judged you; never tried to "Fix" you. That was the true test of a wonderful husband. He is truly a Godly example to all who know him.

 Yes, you are right, he never tried to "fix" me. He allowed me to take the time I needed and he listened to me. I love how well he listens and how willing he is to get in the "hole" with me.

So often we hear so much more about how bad marriage is, how it's impossible, how you may as well count on it not lasting. It is so refreshing to read about women who are in loving relationships. No, it isn't always easy, but it is definitely worth it!
And what a legacy you are leaving for your daughters, showing them how a husband and wife love one another!

It is worth it! My parents are divorced, and while they were wonderful parents, I was not able to learn from their relationship. Their divorce affected me, even as an adult.  It is my heart's desire that my girls know that their mommy and daddy love each other. They find their security in us, and we work hard at being connected and in the same team.

For the rest of you that left your thoughts on this post, thank you! And yes, I encourage you to thank your husband for what he does. You can write a blog post, you can write him a letter, leave a sticky note where you know he will find it, or send him an e-mail. Let him know you appreciate him.

Blog post: Cerebral Palsy Connection

In an effort to connect with other CP bloggers, I will be hosting a "blog hop" Thank you for all of you who will be participating! I am really looking forward to this!

Blog post: Much to be Thankful For

I came across your blog as IDSC for life posted some of your links on facebook.
We have two adopted girlies, our youngest (two weeks old today) has Down syndrome.

 I love the work that the IDSC does! I am their hispanic outreach coordinator. I really need to do a better job at that job and get some more information here on this blog!

And congratulations on your baby! I love babies with Down syndrome and I am not biased at all! 

I'm thinking you should get Nichole in the modeling business.

 Well thank you! I think she is beautiful too! There are times I find myself gazing at her blown away by her beauty. She gets to me.

What a blessing for two orphans to have a connection between their old world and their new world. That will be so valuable to them as they grows and seek to develop their self-identity. Blessings!
Yes it will. They remember being together at the orphanage and you are right, they will have each other. They have similar backgrounds, as if we do not know anything about their biological parents. While we won't be able to bridge that, they will look at each other as their "family." And I will add that Oksana's family, all of them, have become dear friends. The type of friends you have for a life-time. So these 2 little orphan girls, have given us a precious gift by bringing our families together.

Much to be Thankful for

Two years ago, on Thanksgiving day, we visited Nina at her orphanage. It was the second time we had seen her, but the first official meeting where we were encouraged to interact with her. We had a good visit that day. After our visit, Andy and I were taken back to Kiev, and Nina went back to her room.

In her room, Nina played with her best friend. Another little girl with Cerebral Palsy, and the closest thing she had ever had to a family. Two little orphan girls that liked to play ball and talk to each other.

Two years later, and Nina and Oksana got to spend Thanksgiving day together once more. This time around, they are orphans no more. They have a family! And like Oksana said, we had a feast!

We have so much to be Thankful for.

Oksana's family is here for a few days, and we are loving having them here! We have great fun plans for the next few days.

As soon as I get a chance, I will share some pictures here! It is great to see them together, and our families just get along so well!

Hope you all had a wonderful Thanksgiving! And for some of you...enjoy the crazy shopping!

Nina's Best Friend

I have not updated the blog for a few days. Do you know why? Because our family was visiting Nina's best friend and her family. Oksana and Nina were best friends at the orphanage, and they were very happy to see each other again. Seeing them together was joyful, two little girls that loved each other, yet had no hope or a future. But now they have families, they have siblings, they have a mommy and a daddy, and they still have each other.

Like they have said, it is rare when every member of your family clicks so well with every member of another family. One of the blessings Nina has brought into our family is the Loraines, how blessed we are by their friendship.

So hop on over to Erin's blog by clicking HERE and take a look at what our days with Loraines were like. She even has a video of Nina and Oksana reuniting again!

Nina's Orphanage Best Friend

I did not write a blog post today, because I want you to read about Nina's best friend from the orphanage and her adoption story. Okana and her family have become dear friends to our family and we cannot wait to visit them and finally meet face to face!

So go ahead, click here and read their story!

You Can Help!

See this precious little girl? This is Tasha 31 (Ember) and her forever family is getting ready to go get her and bring her home.

Let me tell you a little bit about her family.

The Senti's were a happy family with 3 boys. Then Lorene got pregnant again, and finally a little girl joined their family.  A little girl with an extra chromosome, a precious baby with Down syndrome. And a baby that changed their lives and hearts forever.

Last year I shared some pictures with you of a Down syndrome get together we had in St. Louis. This is where I met Lorene and her daughter.

Shortly after that, Lorene sent me an e-mail asking about what it was like to adopt a child with mobility issues, because like our family, the Senti's were feeling moved to adopt another child with special needs, and they had fallen in love with Tasha 31 (who they will name Ember). Tasha has arthrogryposis.

This is what is happening, most likely the Senti's will be given a travel date in the next couple of months (or weeks!) and they need our help! In order to raise the funds that they still need for their adoption, they are having an awesome give-away! They are giving an iPad2! For every $25 donation your name will be entered once, give $100 and you will be entered 5 times.

If you can't give $25 right now, give what you can. I remember when we were adopting we would get donations of $1, $2, $5 and I knew that someone out there gave either as much as they could or they thought they could spare a couple of bucks. And that little bit added up made a BIG difference!


CLICK HERE to give and get a chance to win an iPad2.

And prayers for the Senti family are always appreciated too!

Eli project- Oprhan Hosting Program 2011

Friends, here is a wonderful opportunity for your family to make a difference in the life of an orphan. Eli Project is seeking to find host families for children from June 8-22.

"Hosting an orphan from Ukraine is a wonderful opportunity for an orphan to “live” in a loving family environment and experience things they don’t know exist. A few weeks can change a child for a lifetime. These children sleep, eat, go to school and live at the orphanage all the time. They live in community with other kids–never having a concept of what a loving family is and therefore have no hope of experiencing it when they grow up. YOUR family could make the difference for the future of one of these precious children."

To find out more, just click HERE.

I love that Eli project is also reaching out to orphans with special needs, and they are being able to participate in hosting programs. And, they are coming from Ukraine, the same beautiful country that our Nina is from.

A few days ago, I shared my heart for orphans. If you have ever felt moved, but are not sure about adoption, this is a wonderful way to be involved and make a difference. Be a part of something bigger!

She Said YES- One Less Orphan in This World!

Yesterday I shared with you my heart about the million orphans of this world. And I shared with you about the Davis family, who was denied adoption of their son because he has Down syndrome. I asked you to pray for the Hook family who was facing the same judge, and the Moreno family who will soon be facing the same judge.

Today, with great joy I want to introduce you to Evan Hook. The judge said YES! God is moving, He is answering our prayers!

Please continue to pray for the Davis family as this judge has the document with the appeal on her desk. It would be as easy as her picking it up and changing her answer. She can be a yes.

And continue to pray for the Moreno family, as they are the next family to come and petition this judge for the adoption of their sweet baby J.

We are witnessing a miracle, as stereotypes are being challenged, as a judge's heart is being changed! Pray for the judge too, because God could use this woman to become a strong advocate for adoption of children with special needs.

Be a Part of Something Bigger!

There are around 143 million orphans in the world today.

Every 2.2 seconds an orphan ages out of the system and are left in the streets. With no family to call their own, with no place to go.

Children with Down syndrome and other special needs are sent to institutions at age 4. Even pets in America have a better life!

Kirill, the little boy you see in the picture, is one of the 143 million orphan children. And the woman holding him? That is his mother, Tesney Davis. Tesney and her husband have been denied their request to adopt Kirill. And why? Because he has Down syndrome. The Hook family and the Moreno family are also in the same region, facing the same judge, and most likely the same answer. No.

In the Down syndrome community, adoption community, and Reece's Rainbow community, we have gathered around them in prayer, as we ask that God will change the judge's heart and say yes. It is heartbreaking to think that 3 different families might loose their children. Weather someone officially makes them a Davis, a Hook, or a Moreno, these 3 families will forever see these children as theirs. God gave them these children to love, and in their hearts, they are no different. So they are doing what all parents will do in order to save their child. They will appeal to the courts, they will try to get government and media involved. They will do whatever they can in order to get their children home...because that is what parents do. We do not give hope, we keep on going, and we try again and again if we have to.

And then I think about how lucky these 3 little children with Down syndrome are. They have someone fighting for them! They have someone that will stand up and challenge the brokenness of this world in order to bring their children home!

But... there are still 143 million orphans left.

Nobody is fighting for them

Nobody aches with love for them.

Nobody that is willing to challenge this broken world because they believe they are worth it.

Nobody to wipe their tears.

Nobody that will make them their own.

This is not just sad, this is not only heartbreaking...this is unacceptable!

Why are we standing on the sidelines! Why are we allowing these children to rot away in institutions and orphanages!

 Why are we not moved to action!

You don't have the money? Really? Is that what will keep you from saving a life? Is a child not worth more than a car? Is a child not worth a bank loan? Is your child, not worth any price you have to pay? Is the cost of adoption worth a life wasting away in a crib. Is it?

Are you afraid you will not love them as your own? Can you at least love them more than the sterile environment they will die in? Can you at least give some love. You don't think it will be fair to love them less compared to your biological children? Look at that picture, is that fair? Can you not give more than that? Sure, there will be bonding issues, sure there will be behaviors to deal with, but is it not worth it? What child is not worth fighting for?

They are worth the tears.

They are worth the frustration.

The love that grows from the trials of adoption, is a hard eearned love, and it is a love that will change you! It will expand your heart.

143 million orphans

What is your role to play?

Pray.

Give.

Go.

Be a part of something bigger than yourself. Be a part of God's movement to save his children.

Pray for the Davis, Hook, and Moreno family.

Pray for the 143 million orphans.

Give to the families that are adopting, because money is not and should not be what keep anyone from adopting.

Go. If God leads, He provides. If you feel called to adopt, it is time to take action, it is time for you to go get your son, your daughter. Do not allow one more day to go by where your precious child has to spend a day lying in a crib, their days wasting away.

Our sweet Nina was one of those orphans, but she is home now, she is safe.

These are God's children, and He is looking to us, asking us, "Will you take one of my children?"

We are God's hands, we are God's legs, we are God in this world. So if we are not doing something about this, nobody will. Will you?

You call follow the Davis and Moreno blog, just click on their names.

You can visit Reece's Rainbow and learn more about adopting a child with Down syndrome and other special needs.

And you can follow Reece's Rainbow on twitter, because Patricia Heaton (Everybody Loves Raymond) is donating a dollar for very person that follows Reece's Rainbow on twitter. She gets it, she is making a difference with her public voice.

And please take the time to watch this video. Be moved.

Nina's Anniversary

On January 1st of last year Nina joined her place in our family, it was the first time that all 5 of us were together. Ellie was so excited to meet Nina, she could not believe that she was real and not just a girl on a picture or someone she had seen through a computer screen. Nichole was not sure of the new little girl that was hanging around. Andy and I were just happy to be together after the long emotional process of adoption. And Nina, she was scared, she was so scared. She did not know what it meant to be have a family, she did not understand our speech, our ways, and the details of our world.

When Nina arrived, she was behind Nichole in development in all aspects except her ability to talk, and unfortunately, our languages were different. She was 3 1/2 years old, but her development seemed to be that of a typical 18 month old. In amazement, we watched her go through baby stages and quickly move on to a toddler stage, and now a little girl. Although she is still not your typical 4 1/2 year old, the difference in this little girl is astounding!

Those first few months were hard. They were really hard. For Nina, for Ellie and Nichole, for us as parents, but especially for me. My love, patience, compassion, and gratitude were tested every day, and I failed many times. I felt like a failure as a mother, not being able to love and help Nina as I had hoped to do. Over time, as we began to know each other, we began to refer to Nina as our "Fiery Furnace" for God was using her to stretch us and teach us about His heart and His unconditional love.

As Nina's speech developed and we began to be able to communicate, Nina was able to share with us about her life as an orphan, and about the things that she feared and the life that she lived. She was able to tell us about her excitement over having a family, and we would hear her saying, "Nina, happy girl!" We were able to get to know one another better, and to learn to fall in love with one another.

We have asked ourselves, "Where would Nina be if we had not adopted her?" "What would her future been like if she had grown up in her country?" What a different life she would have had, with little hope and no future. But what about us? Where would we be if we had not adopted Nina? Sure, life would be easier, a lot easier. But what about us? What about our hearts? What about our ability to love? What about being conformed to be more like Christ? As much as we saved her, she has been a tool of transformation in our lives. She has expanded our hearts, and she has brought us great joy.


If you were to meet Nina today, you would be amazed at the fact that she has been with us for only a year. Her speech really is phenomenal, and she is a charmer. She thrives in praises and affirmation. Her little heart's desire is to make us laugh and to hear us call her beautiful. She is unusually good at sharing and she wants to help any way she can. Which as you can imagine, makes it easy to want to love her. She loves hugs and kisses, and to be cuddled.

It still amazes me to think that there was a child of God forgotten at an orphanage, sentenced by her disability, and out of all people, God chose us to be her parents, not her biological mother, and not another adoptive family, but us. He did not bring her to us through birth, but He grew her in our hearts. Half-way across the world He called to us, "Will you love one of mine? One that has been discarded? A daughter that I deeply love?" We responded to God's call, and what a blessing this journey has been for all of us! And although it has been hard, we would do it again, and again.

What a wonderfully testing year it has been, how we have been transformed, and how we have been falling in love. We treasure our Ukrainian princess, and we could not do life without her. She belongs with us, she is our daughter.