The Girls

Now that school has started, all the girls are settling in a routine. By all the girls I mean me included!

Ellie loves school, although she refused to have a picture taken for her fist day. "It is NOT the first day of school! I have been to school before!" It did not matter how many times we explained it was the first day for that new school year, she still would have non of it.

At preschool she likes having Nina in her class, but I do hope that she makes other good friends too. Her best friends moved up to Kindergarten, so she was a little sad about that.

We are, however, homeschooling Kindergarten. I was not sure that would be a good idea for us, since we have very similar personalities and feared it would be bad for our relationship. But after a week (who knows what I will say in a month!) I am loving it, and I think she is too. Confirmation that children do learn better one-on-one.

Why are we doing this? because she wanted to, she wants to learn to read and she wants to learn math (for real!) but she is not ready to be going to school every day, all day. She already struggles with only 3 days for preschool.

Nina is doing very well at school. She even has a friend! And although terrified of the potty at school, she has had no accidents! So she is doing very well.

We finally took her to the eye doctor, and sure enough, she needs glasses. The funny thing is, she wants glasses and cannot wait to have them. I will make sure to post pictures as soon as we get them, which should be in a couple of weeks max.

This explains in part her fine motor skills and how much she struggles to color, trace, or some hand-eye coordination tasks. We are excited to see her improve in that area.

She is also tolerating her braces most of the day, and she asks for them sometimes! At school, she gets around in her walker for the most part, so I do hope that this encourages her to try to take some steps (You know, seeing all the other kids walking might make her want to do it too!)

Nichole is as sweet as ever. I do love having three mornings a week just with her. I really want to work on her speech, as she is really struggling with articulation right now. She can say a lot of things, words, and phrases. We just do not understand her. She is dropping some signs because she is saying the words, but we do not get the words many times. For example, "napkin," "blanket," and "pancake" sound exactly the same. Good luck figuring out which one she says.

Homeschooling Ellie is now making me look into some preschool programs for Nichole. I am working on putting some things together so we can really get her going.

I am thinking about teaching a dance class for all the homeschooling families. I was going to do that just with my girls, but I think it will be fun and that way we will really do it and not just think about it. Also, maybe this will be the beginning of "adaptive dance." Because Nina and Nichole will get to be a part of it, and I think they will both be great little ballerinas.

The People Who "Are"

By: Dave Hingsburger

It's in the press again. I search to find out the context of the word. I see debates all over the web, people bemoaning the 'politically correct' and the 'word police' and making ridiculous claims about having to ban the concept of a 'fire retardant'. Last I looked there's never been a protest about products that protect from fire. Last I looked there's only ever been protests about the use of a word that demeans a group of people.

No matter what the fearless defenders of freedom of speech say, there is a huge difference between a word to describe something that slows fire and someone who learns differently. There's a huge difference between a thing and a person - but, no, maybe not. After reading their diatribes regarding their freedom to spit out hurtful words, they may, really, not see people with disabilities as fully human with a human heart capable human hurt.

People mock the concept of respectful language regarding disability. People make odd arguments about the latest gaffe by ... no, I won't say her name here ... they say 'she was saying that of herself not anyone else' - um, so? The word she used was one referring, not to a commercial product, but to an oppressed minority. Yet the debate rages on and the fierceness of the attack by those who are proponents of the use of hate language are both hysterical and who often purposely miss the point. One wonders what's at stake - their personal liberty to hurt others?

It's time to recognize that the 'R' word is an attack against who people with with intellectual disabilities 'are', it is an attack against the group that they belong to. It is like other words that exist to slur an entire people, unacceptable. The fact that people do not see the seriousness of the word and the attack it represents is simply a result of the fact that they do not take the 'people' who wear that label seriously. The concerns of those with intellectual disabilities have always been diminished and trivialized. There is a sneaking suspicion that they 'don't understand, poor dears', that they 'miss the point, little lambs' so therefore their anger need not be feared as justified.

The people who 'ARE' what the 'R' word refers to have a long history.

They have been torn from families and cast into institutions.

They have been beaten, hosed down, over medicated, under nourished, sterilized, brutalized, victimized.

They have been held captive, have been enslaved, have had their being given over to the state.

They are the group in society most likely to be physically, sexually and financially abused.

They are the group least likely to see justice, experience fair play, receive accommodation or support within the justice system.

They are the group most likely to be bullied, most likely to be tyrannized, most likely to be the target of taunts.

They are the least likely to have their hurt taken seriously, physical hurt, emotional hurt, spiritual hurt.

They are most likely to be ignored when they speak of pain, have their words diminished by an assumption of diminished capacity.

They are the least likely to ever be seen as equal, as equivalent and entirely whole.

They are the victim of some of the most widespread and pervasive prejudices imaginable.

They are those that the Nazi's thought unworthy of life, they are those targeted by geneticists for non-existence, they need fear those who wear black hats and those who wear white coats.

They are educated only under protest, they are included as a concession rather than a right, they are neighbours only because petitions failed to keep them out.

They are kept from the leadership of their own movement, they are ignored by the media, their stories are told to glorify Gods that they do not worship.

That they are a 'people' is questioned even though they have a unique history, a unique voice, a unique perception of the world.

That they are a 'community' is questioned even though they have commonality, they have mutual goals, they have a collective vision of the future.

That they are have a legitimate place at the table is questioned simply because no one's ever offered a seat.

They are a people.

They ask for respect and receive pity.

They ask for fair play and are offered charity.

They ask for justice and wipe spittle off their face.

They ask to silence words that brutalize them and their concerns are trivialized.

They ask to walk safely through their communities and yet bullies go unpunished.

They ask to participate fully and they are denied access and accommodation and acceptance.

And this is NOW.

This is the people who have walked the land of the long corridor, who have waited at the frontier of our bias to finally be here, now. They have survived. They have come home. They have continued, silently and without fanfare, to take hold of freedom and live with dignity. They have given everything they have for what others take for granted. Their civil liberties are perceived as 'gifts' as 'tokens' and as 'charity'. Their rights are seen as privileges. Their movement is, as of yet, unacknowledged. They are a people recently emancipated, new citizens, who are tentatively discovering their voice.

It is a voice not yet heard.

It is a voice not yet respected.

It is a voice not yet understood.

But it is speaking.

And when it is finally heard. The world will change.

The 'R' word is an attack on a people who know discrimination. Tremble when you say it. Because those who should know better will be held accountable to those who know best.

What Adoption Does Not Do

A good friend of mine recently sent me this link to the site Together For Adoption. It was written by Johny Carr, the national Director for Church Partnerships for Bethany Christian Services.

If you are adopting, have adopted, or know someone who has adopted, this is a great read.

In the adoption world, many times you will hear that a child's adoption, is much like our adoption into God's family. It is a good analogy, but we need to be careful with the theology behind. You can read the entire blog by clicking here.

This is an excerpt.

What Adoption Does Not Do

BY JOHNNY CARRPublished Aug 25, 2010

I love to tell our adoption story when I preach. During the sermon, I show pictures taken within the first few hours of James meeting us. One shows me and James laughing heartily together. Another shows him taking a nap with his new mom. One shows him and his new brother wrestling on the bed, while another has him walking hand-in-hand with his new older brother and sister. We had much the same experience with our daughter Xiaoli’s adoption.

However, what the pictures do not show is the hurt, confusion, and emotional stress our adopted children endured. James was four years old when we adopted him, and Xiaoli was six. They were both old enough to understand that something major was happening but, since they are deaf, they had no way to understand adoption.

Even for the children who do have language, how do you describe adoption? How do you fight the rumors that circulate in the orphanages about what happens to adopted children? How do you prepare them for a family who might not look like them, smell like them, act like them, or use the same language? Every adoption story is accompanied by a story of grief and loss.

When we are adopted into God’s family, the Holy Spirit takes up residence in us. This is where the one-to-one relationship breaks down. The Holy Spirit gives us the ability to know the mind of Christ through our salvation (1 Cor. 2:10-16). We are made into a new creation (2 Cor. 5:17). When children are adopted, they receive a new family and the prospect for a new life, but they are not a new creation.

Adoption does not heal a child’s past. People often say that my adopted children are “lucky” to have been adopted. I know what they are trying to communicate, but they are not grasping the totality of what my children have lived through.

Recently I read an article by Catherine Olian, writer and former producer of 60 Minutes. This is part of what she wrote about her daughter who was adopted from Ukraine:

Outside our home, she behaved herself and charmed most everyone. She did take exception when adults told her she was “lucky”. In her blossoming English she would unhesitatingly respond, “Did you lose your first brother and sister? Did you grow up cold and hungry? Did you live two lives, in two different countries? No? Then you must be the lucky one.” I’ve yet to see anyone disagree with her.

As this incredible wave of orphan care and adoption ministry continues to gain momentum in churches, we must make sure that we have a good theological understanding of adoption and a good practical understanding of adoption.

While I will continue to show the sweet pictures of our adoption journeys during my sermons, I will also take the time to educate families about the grief and loss that is always part of adoption. Healing can take place, and for many children, it starts with adoption…but it doesn’t end there—it never does.

The Party

For Ellie's birthday party we went to the Minnesota Children's Museum. She had a blast! This was the first year she did not have a party with friends, and I don't think she minded it at all. It was the "funnest day of my life!" according to her. Ellie has alot of those days.
Adult, child ratio was 2:1. let me tell you, that is the way to go! Because sometimes 3 little girls really do need 6 adults to help them have fun!

Great Sermon

If you have time to listen to a great sermon, then go ahead and click HERE.

My husband preached on August 15. He shared about our journey with adoption, and many of the feelings that we had to wrestle with as we walked that road. I have shared here in writing, but I recommend you here him share as he speaks.

If you have had any storms in your life, I highly recommend you listen to him, it is not just about adoption, this really is about life and the hard things we go through.

Just look for August 15 by Andy Stumbo.

My Princess Is 5!

My big girl is 5 years old! Five years ago, Ellie turned me into a mother; a job I always wanted to have. She has filled my life with smiles, hugs, kisses and silliness.

Let me tell you a little bit about the day she was born.

We arrived at the hospital around 5 am. I was not given the okay to push until 7:30 pm. It was long and painful. And in our little town, an epidural is not an option, you just deal with the pain. For all those hours, Ellie had her little foot jabbed against my ribs. I would push it down and in no time, she was digging it in again. Not a nice thing to do to mommy when she is trying to bring you into the world!

I pushed for 2 1/2 hours. And her little foot was still pushing on my ribs. Outside the delivery room was my mom, dad, little sister, aunt, cousin, and 2 friends of the family. They say they could hear me screaming and that it was taking a long time. I do not remember any of that, except her little foot.

One of the nurses said to me, "Push like you mean it!"

What? Don't you mess with me right now!

"What do you think I am doing!" I screamed right at her.

She smiled, "Now, that, was your best push." She added on, "Let's make her angry so she can push that baby out."

Ellie did not crown, she did not come body part by body part. She just finally got her little foot against my rib just the right way, and she pushed herself all the way out! One moment she was all in, and the next one she was ALL out! You should have seen the doctor's face as he had to catch the flying baby!

Then they laid her on my chest as I cried, "My baby, my baby, my baby." Ellie looked up straight at me, and just like that, I felt a love I had never felt before.

Happy birthday my sweet Ellie. I am so proud of you. You are a dream come true. You help me remember what it is like to play, and dance, and accept others. I have so much to teach you, yet you have taught me so much more. I love you with all my heart, and foot, and belly, and hands!

Music Video

Yes, I am posting a music video. You might even say, "Again? More music videos?" Yes, more!

But, this is too cute to pass, you have to watch it. A seven year old boy wrote this song for his little sister. I admit, I got a little teary eyed.

What is the impact of children with Down syndrome on siblings? Well, just see the heart of this seven year old boy. Phenomenal!