Tattered with Purpose: A guest post

 

The storm raged and pounded against the window outside my dark, lonely room.  I sat on the bed, tears flowing almost as freely as the rain.  Countless times I heard people say, "God won't give you more than you can handle."  But He had.  Way more!

Broken:

I was in a marriage that challenged me at every turn.  One that threatened to choke the last threads of life from me.  I'd held on for years, but now I was running; running from an unhealthy relationship along with my children.  The problem was I had no idea where I was running to or what I'd do. 

I pounded my fists against the bed and screamed into my pillow, demanding answers.  Why had my marriage failed?  Why was I, who had stood so staunchly against divorce, now sitting here broken and marked?  Why must my children learn to survive in a shattered home?  Why, why, why?

There were no answers that night.  In fact, I cried myself to sleep only to wake the next morning with swollen eyes and a headache.  I was empty, but I knew I had to pull myself together.  My children needed me and I had a job that was expecting me.  

One foot in front of the other, one step at a time.

He planned to bring good out of the mess:

I've learned that God's answers don't often come when we want them.  He prefers the lessons to be meaningful, giving them time to penetrate the deepest places in our souls.  He showed me, little by little, over the years that followed, just exactly how He planned to bring good out of the mess that had become my life.  I was a reluctant student and the dawning was slow to come.  But God is patient and indescribably loving!

There were unexpected moments, when I'd see my kids with their heads bent together over some project, and my heart would just know.  These little people wouldn't be if I hadn't married their daddy.  I couldn't stand the thought of not having them and there was absolutely no question that I'd walk through the fire for them.

In that time, God showed me how much my children needed their daddy.  My flesh balked but my heart was stirred.  God used the love I had for my kids to show me the way past my hurt and bitterness.  The anger and confusion that kept me in knots very slowly gave way to compassion and forgiveness.  It's nearly impossible to stubbornly cling to "your rights" when doing so means you revoke the rights of the innocent.  And my kids had the right to a guilt-free relationship with their father.

That realization birthed the desire to help them build that relationship with their dad.  Naturally, the crumbling of our family made some of my children hesitant to embrace their dad.  I got to be the one who talked their father up, the one who made going to his house sound like the best opportunity ever.  The one who got to remind them exactly how much he loved them and needed their love in return.  It was humbling, at best.  Irritating, at my worst. But more specifically, it was exactly the role I needed to fill to get beyond myself.  And it worked as a mirror to my own soul.  Sucking up the hard feelings caused me to see myself for who I truly was.  So I took off running again!  But this time, I was running to a Redeeming God who would guide me!

Finding Beauty:

God brought beauty from the ashes.  Divorce is never His plan, just as sin was never intended to enter this world.  But He made provision to redeem the lost and wandering.  He helps us to find our bearings, and so long as we keep pushing, He pulls us to dry land.  My journey has brought me to a kind of happiness I had never hoped for.  To a man that loves me far more than he loves himself and who delights in making sure I know it.  It's also brought me two more precious babies, who remind me every day that His plan is so much greater than I could ever imagine!

But most importantly, I have learned that God does indeed give us more than we can handle.  Because He wants us to see clearly that our strength rests entirely in Him.  And if we tap into that endless source of power and maintain a secure connection, we'll find that we can handle anything.  Even the things we don't want to! 

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Kasey is the blushing bride of her firefighter, Robbie, and delighted mother of a brood of seven.  With kids ranging in age from 14 to 8 month old twins, she's clinging to Christ for direction and energy!  You can find her journaling the experience at These Five of Mine Plus Two.

Retarded: A Word

Words are powerful.

Words have the power to build or to destroy.

Words hurt.

Retarded: a word.

Yet so much more.

The word “retarded” or “retard” has become a word used to define something that is stupid, ridiculous, inadequate, awkward, different, brainless. Something or someone with a flaw, a mistake, a bad choice.

And 2 of my precious girls stand beneath the shadow of that word: retarded.

A word that threatens to spread a lie of who my children are.

A word that spreads an ignorant stereotype.

A word that bullies mercilessly.

A word that hurts deeply.

A word that defiles them.

But the words that define people like my daughters – those that have become my people – are words that reflect  the quality and value of their lives:

Love, joy, peace, kindness, goodness, gentleness, forgiveness, acceptance.

There is an incredible measure of unconditional, complete, knows-no-bounds kind of love that is found in those with intellectual disabilities.

If you were to spend a day surrounded by these beautiful people, you would walk away inspired, renewed, and challenged. You would be able to see yourself in new ways, and recognize the flaws and weaknesses found in your own life that are so complete and pure in this people group. They embrace us regardless of our limitations.

If you want to know courage and determination, all you need to do is spend time with these people.

The word retarded will soon pierce your heart when you know and understand the devastating implications of using such a word. When you realize that there is a people group that need us to stand behind them to challenge the word that they are not the word “retarded.” They deserve only our respect.

Today is spread the word to end the r-word. I ask you, as a mother, as a friend:

Please, don’t use the word retarded.

It hurts.

Lent: Being Attentive to Others by Glenn Myers

"Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For the measure you use, it will be measure to you.” (Luke 6:38)

One of the greatest gifts of love we can give anyone is our attentiveness. When we offer others our compete focus, we show them how much we value them. Instead of being preoccupied with our own workload, our financial pressures and our struggles, we show them genuine care by assigning them our undistracted time and undivided attention.

The reverse is also true. When others are attentive to us—wanting to know how we are doing inside and listening without thinking of something they want to say—we know we are loved.

Yet, how often we forget to focus on others! Most days we go through life inattentive to people around us. Dwelling on the things that weigh us down, we obsess about ourselves and give only casual notice to those we see. “How are you doing?” is a greeting rather than a question, and our interest remains fixed on our problems. In our self-obsession we fail to love others and we run the risk of caving in on ourselves.

Lent has always been a season for fasting. Perhaps this Lent you and I can fast from our self-focus in order to be truly attentive to others. We can step away from our continual self-obsession and silence our self-worry long enough to listen to people, especially those we care about the most.

Jesus calls us to pour ourselves out. “Give, and it will be given to you,” he commands. Whatever amount of love and attention we show others is precisely the measure that will come back to us. Of course we dare not give simply in order to get—that is called manipulation. Rather, we give freely, and—for a few moments of listening to someone else--we forget about ourselves. In due time, we will discover others giving us the time, attention and interest that shows us how loved we are.

Lord Jesus, set me free from the quicksand of self. Just as you care for me and attend my every thought and need, help me to get out of myself in order to care for others. Show me how I can be attentive to those around me and love them as never before. Amen.

© 2011 Glenn E. Myers

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Glenn E. Myers is author of Seeking Spiritual Intimacy: Journeying Deeper with Medieval Women of Faith (InterVarsity Press, 2011), welcoming believers to pursue a deeper walk with Christ. He is also a contributor to Zondervan’s Dictionary of Christian Spirituality (2011). Glenn’s passion is helping contemporary Christians grow spiritually by introducing them to the rich heritage of the past two thousand years of the church. Offering fresh spiritual water to thirsty saints today, he authors a blog: deepwellswithglennmyers.blogspot.com.

In 1995-1996, he and his wife Sharon ministered with CBN in Kiev. Receiving an M.Div. from Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary and a Ph.D. in church history from Boston University, Dr. Myers has served as pastor, missionary and professor. Currently he is a professor of Church History at Crown College with a specialization in the history of Christian Spirituality. Glenn also serves on the board at Restoration Ministries, Inc., offering retreats and provides spiritual direction.

© Glenn E. Myers. Used with permission.

Photo Credit: Creation Speaks 

CP Connection # 4

Until we get things ironed out, here is the link-up for the month of March! Sorry for the confusion for those that have asked, but either way you can link-away!